he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
