she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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