I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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