Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
