I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
