i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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