I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
