worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
