she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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