Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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