The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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