mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
