Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
