Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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