Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
