I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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