is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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