Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Redeem this text for a blowjob
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
