I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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