bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
