shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
