I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
