Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
