we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
