Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
