so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
