I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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