im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
