everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
