Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Blood and glitter go together right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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