you traded sex for a burrito?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
