oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
