some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
