Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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