I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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