I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
