what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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