My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
