When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I will die if light touches me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
