shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
