the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
