just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
