The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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