how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize