she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
