I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
