Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
