He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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