I can text with my tongue
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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