Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Randomize
