Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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