I must be too annoying 4 u.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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