OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we're so committed to being not committed
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