Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone came in the potted fern
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
