Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
