The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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