She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will pee on everything he values.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
