So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
