I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
