I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk is not a location!
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