You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize