I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
