I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
