am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
