apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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